And The Becoming

Legs are tired, and my body feels heavy. Every movement took, takes away a part of my remaining fuel. I feel drained and exhausted, and bed seems only solace. I don’t remember the last time I slept and for days I have been lying in this bed. There is no fan in the room, just a small window on the rear wall. The window panes are dark and I don’t see any reason for that. I feel wet in my own sweat. It has been two days and I still face the same wall. I can’t even see the whole of my room. And it is a small room. Not often I open my eyes, but when I do something seem to have changed. I get scared and shut my eyes again. Is there someone in the room? Is that person been here for long? Does that person keep a watch of all my moves? The more I think, the more I get scared and the more I resist opening my eyes again. It was just a while ago, a strange thought occur to me. I haven’t spoken in a week’s time or may be a month. It is hard to calculate as I can’t remember how long it has been si...

There comes a time, when ‘the last leaf’ stuck on the tree doesn’t seem to give one a reason to hold-on for one more day. There is nothing wrong with that leaf. It is still stuck to the very tree where it was supposed to be; but today something seems to have changed. May be its just the meaning of the association with the leaf that stopped giving the same signal as before, or maybe I started interpreting the signal differently. I felt something different about the leaf today. It did seem unfair, stuck alone on a dark winter day. The leaf looks tired today, or maybe I am noticing it for the first time. It must be hard to see every other leaf let go in this dark, cold brutal winter. And harder to be the last one; continuing to wait for its turn. I felt responsible for it, also a little threatened. The leaf stared back at me for the first time today. I could see that searching look, and anguish deep seated in its stare. My hope today turned out to be a selfish exchange of misery and des...